Daughters. Daughters scare me. I have two step daughters actually and I love them to death, and having two beautiful step daughters has made me realize how truly frightening the thought of having one of my very own to shape and mold is.
Boys scare me, but because they might break all my things, and later in school might get into the thug culture and stop trying in school, but that is a worry for later in their lives. Girls it seems you can accidentally push in the wrong direction right from the get go.
I've read all about the mommy wars, the princess debates, the studies about the over sexualization of young girls just by leaving your gossip mags laying around, or daddy's Maxim sitting by the toilet. It makes me paranoid, like I need to ban all pop culture from our house. I know that won't work, I was home-schooled for three years and it just makes the forbidden fruit that much sweeter when you're out from under your parents' thumbs.
Thinking about the fact I have to let them know that all this awful stuff exists while still teaching them to have self worth makes me terrified. What if I allow for too much princess paraphernalia and my daughter winds up wearing hot pink bedazzled crop tops the second she leaves the door? I think this additional over thinking time before I even get pregnant has allowed me to read too much into it without actually letting me get my hands dirty.
I want my daughter(s) to half self worth, self respect, a voice, educated opinions, a globalized view, enough modesty to comfort her father, and a strong healthy body image. I mean really how do you tell a 13 year old girl that she is beautiful and all the changes puberty are burdening her with are normal and great, while still convincing her to keep her belly button to herself?
I hope above all of course that she is happy. I hope she knows not the let some jerk objectify her or treat her less than best. I want her to know she's not a princess, but an intelligent human being with importance.
i suppose I will figure this out, when the time comes. The time better come soon, any more time to dwell on all the ways I could accidentally mess Baby X and Baby Y and I might just go crazy.
So to all you moms out there raising smart, unique, independent kids you rock. You are awesome, you are brave, you have navigated uncharted territory and won.
Of course, to all you to-be-moms who are already well on your way through planning and worrying, you are brave too, it takes a lot to educate yourself on the terrors of raising children when you're not yet experiencing the joy of holding them and still walk down that path.